Battle of the buttons
Of course Trump’s nuclear button is bigger. The U.S. has thousands of launching devices and tens of thousands of nuclear warheads. I bet pressing the button takes big, strong hands.
I wonder — when the Donald presses the button, do all of the warheads get launched? Where are they targeted? All at Pyongyang? Or some at Berlin and Rome? I guess Moscow is off the list. I hear that some are aimed at the Jedi stronghold of San Francisco, defended by the Jedi Princess, wealthy hippies and thousands of honest, sincere Mexicans. Hold on, Jedi!
Some technical drawbacks: since the button is on the desk, Trump could inadvertently hit it when trying to hit the button for another Diet Coke. Also, because Trump has not only big hands but a big derriere, he could sit on the desk and accidentally launch.
I hear that to prevent this, Homeland Security has set and taped a Tupperware bowl over the button. Hope that works. I also hear that his Defense Secretary reached under the desk and snipped the wires, so the button cannot start a nuclear war. Also his office of technology has told him, perhaps with a fib, that he cannot mate the nuclear button to his twitter account.
Meanwhile, Kim has a single button to launch a single missile, currently believed to be aimed at Homer, Alaska. This whole kerfuffle is getting pretty exciting.