DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old female who has recently come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual. My problem lies in the fact that I am strongly attracted to one of my best friends. I have liked her for several years, and she is a large part of the reason I discovered I was bisexual. I know she is straight and won't ever feel the same about me, but every time I'm around her, my romantic feelings for her start up again.
It has reached the point where I'm considering avoiding her to stop these feelings. None of my close friends are gay, and I don't feel comfortable discussing this with them. Is there any way I can still be friends with her without being so intensely attracted to her? — ATTRACTED TO MY BEST FRIEND
DEAR ATTRACTED: You can do something about your actions, but not about your feelings. You will probably always be attracted to your friend. You will be less attracted — and better able to handle your feelings — once you have become involved with someone else.
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Rodney" for four months. He is very nice, and we get along well. My problem is I am not totally attracted to him because of some dental issues.
Shortly after we started dating he told me he chews tobacco, which has contributed to his yellowing teeth. Because of this I find it hard to kiss him. Rodney has noticed it, but I told him I am not big on kissing — which is really not the case.
How should I approach the subject with Rodney? This issue keeps me from completely falling for him. Please offer me some advice if you can. — TURNED OFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR TURNED OFF: If you truly care about Rodney, confront the subject directly, because if he doesn't do something about his addiction to tobacco, your romance won't last. Tell him you weren't honest about how you feel about kissing and that his breath and yellow teeth have kept you from fully enjoying it.
Most people don't realize how dangerous and addictive chewing tobacco is. Studies show that the amount of nicotine in the bloodstream of "chewers" is twice as great as for smokers. Chewing tobacco is a cause for cancer of the mouth, lip, tongue, cheek and throat, heart disease, tooth decay and receding gums, as well as halitosis (bad breath). Nicotine gum can help Rodney quit and possibly save his life. So speak up — for his sake. And yours.
DEAR ABBY: When I was in college, I dated "Alex." Three months later I found out he had a steady girlfriend, "Jane." Over the next two years Alex continued to cheat on Jane with me because Jane wouldn't have sex with him. I finally told her what had been going on because I was angry, and I ended the relationship with Alex.
Ten years have passed, and I hear they are being married. Do you see anything weird/strange/wrong with that? If a man cheated on me and later proposed marriage, I wouldn't accept because the thought of the other woman would always be on my mind. Would you share your thoughts? — DUMBFOUNDED IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: OK. I think it's time you stopped obsessing about a relationship that ended 10 years ago. It appears Jane has waited a long time for Alex to get serious — and now he has. What happens after they marry will be her problem, not yours. Let it go and concentrate on your own life.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.