DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I haven't spoken in more than two years because of something I said regarding her grandson, "Joey," who is my great-grandson. The last time I saw this boy, who lives in another state, he was 7 or 8.
My daughter's husband was expressing how proud he was of Joey, who is a star football player — a linebacker at 200 pounds and over 6 feet tall. I said, "Wow, the last time I saw him he was 7 or 8 and fat as a little pig." My words were not wisely chosen, but an expression I have used many times. It was just a comment.
They left the state in early spring without a call or a goodbye. On Mother's Day I received a "gushy" card, which I returned with a note saying how much I would have loved the card — if I had felt it was sincere.
I am 86 and hate what has happened, but I feel I am being punished for just "being me." Should I make the first move or just let sleeping dogs lie?
— OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA IN FLORIDA
DEAR OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA: You should have apologized for your comment the minute you realized you had struck a nerve. And returning the card the way you did only added fuel to the fire. My advice is to write your daughter and son-in-law a note of apology and do it soon, because at 86, you don't have any time to waste.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman from a family of females who are all large-busted. Sad to say, I am the exception. My husband not only looks but stares when he sees a big-breasted woman. He promised me a few years ago I could get implants. He even let me consult two plastic surgeons, and then twice prevented me with excuses from having it done.
I do not want this because of his actions but because I have always wanted a well-balanced body. I have been told by family members to go ahead and get the implants without his knowledge. I believe he would love the end result, but I'm not sure this is the right way to do it. What do you think?
— NO MORE EXCUSES IN LOUISIANA
DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: I think that if you want to have breast augmentation, you should do it. BUT NOT THE WAY YOUR FAMILY IS SUGGESTING! Have a serious talk with your husband, so you can explain how you feel about having the surgery and he can tell you exactly what his qualms are. While he may enjoy looking at large-breasted women, he married you just the way you are, and he may be worried that something could happen during the procedure that could cost him the love of his life. Hear him out.
DEAR ABBY: I am an only child who has been married for almost 30 years to a wonderful man who is also an only child. We have no children.
We are moving to another state where we don't know anyone. I am worried that one day I'll be all alone in the world with no one to turn to. (Women statistically tend to live longer than men, and my husband is seven years my senior.)
What do people do when they have no one, and how do I not let this ruin our otherwise great life now?
— AFRAID TO BE ALONE
DEAR AFRAID: First of all, quit preoccupying yourself with thoughts of death and isolation. When you arrive at your destination, join a church or synagogue if you are religious. If you're not, find organizations where you and your husband can volunteer time and meet people. Join social clubs if you're moving to a sizable city. "Old age" will happen years from now, if you're lucky. And regardless of what "statistics" say, you could go before your husband — so stop worrying and enjoy the time you have together.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.