DEAR ABBY: "Happy Being Me in Massachusetts" (Nov. 20) is a large girl whose mother told her "heavy women are not desirable." Well, I was a size 18/20 and weighed more than 200 pounds when I met my husband while out with mutual friends. He's good-looking, smart, witty, affectionate and passionate. He's everything a woman looks for in a life partner.
He had never dated a plus-size woman before, but he was smitten from the moment he saw me, and pursued me from the start because he thought I have a beautiful face and a great personality. We have one child and another on the way, and he finds me as appealing now as he did the night we met.
No woman should ever "settle" for a partner, and "Happy" should not do so just because her mother thinks she's "too heavy." That mother is trying to pass her low self-esteem issues along to her daughter, and I hope "Happy" is savvy enough to brush it off. Big girls can be sexy, too, because there's nothing sexier than confidence.
— MICHELLE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MICHELLE: The letters of encouragement in support of "Happy" have far outweighed her mother's negative stance. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Happy Being Me" needs to know that there are men like me who prefer plus-size women. My wife weighs 275 pounds, and I think she's gorgeous. "Happy" just needs to put herself out there, and one of us will find her.
— HAPPY WITH MY LARGE LADY
DEAR ABBY: I met my first husband when I wore a much smaller size. As the years went on, my size increased. He ended up leaving me for a smaller girl.
After our split, I moved home and the first words out of my mother's mouth were, "You need to work on yourself because you're not going to find someone new looking like you do." It was extremely hurtful, but beyond that, it was WRONG.
Less than a year after my divorce, I was in a healthy relationship with a man who loved me for myself. We married, have a baby and are living happily ever after. The size of my jeans has never mattered to my hubby — only the size of my heart.
— BIG JEANS, BIGGER HEART
DEAR ABBY: In the past, I admit I was one of those men who wouldn't look twice at a large girl. Then I met my wife. She wasn't exactly petite, but it didn't matter. She truly is the girl of my dreams.
We have both gained some weight over the years, but size really doesn't matter. "Happy's" mother is wrong. The right woman can always find the right man.
— LUCKY MAN IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR ABBY: I attend dances every month that support women of size. I met my dream man at one of them a few months ago. He is kind, supportive, handsome and loves my body. (And I love his!)
Because society says that a larger woman isn't attractive doesn't mean EVERYONE thinks so. When I started going to functions for plus-sized women at the age of 26, I found a whole new world where I was accepted and welcomed.
"Happy" should get on to her Web browser and look for "Big Beautiful Women" groups in her area. Love is out there — for ALL body types.
— LARGE AND IN LOVE
DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is big, wonderful and loving, made me appreciate large women. My wife was small in high school and "blossomed" later. I love my "big gal wife" and support her in every way possible. If she wants to change her appearance, then I want her to do it for herself. And if she's happy the way she is, I'm OK with that, too. "Happy Being Me" just needs to be confident in her own skin and she will find "Mr. Right," not "Mr. Right Now."
— BRIAN IN WISCONSIN
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.