DEAR ABBY: I have an infant son by a man who has told me repeatedly that he does not love our child. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, and he claims our child will split us up and spoil our relationship. He said he never wanted our baby in the first place.
He refuses to do anything for our son. He just wants to do for me — and all he wants is sex. I have just learned that he is married with two other children.
Please tell me what to do because I don't like the way he treats our son.
— TORMENTED IN MARYLAND
DEAR TORMENTED: As much as you may care about this man, you must recognize that as a mother your first responsibility has to be to your son. If your child's father was honest and had character, you would have known before now that he was already married.
I am concerned that because he views the baby as a rival, he might possibly be a danger to your son. At the very least he should be financially supporting that child, because it is his legal responsibility to do so.
If you are living with him, for your child's sake, you should move. And until you do, never, ever leave him alone with the baby.
DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother of three grown children who is in the process of making out my will. I'm not ill, but I would like to ensure that my assets — which are modest — will be divided equally among them. My two daughters are upset that I want to include their brother, "Ricky."
As a teen, Ricky stole from his sisters. For most of his adult life he has been in trouble with the law and has served time in prison. My son is also an alcoholic and has been in treatment several times. He has never asked me for money, and I haven't given him any. I know he wants to lead a straight life after he serves his current term.
I can't see any good reason for disinheriting my son. He already has VA and SSI disability income, so it isn't like I'll be giving him something he doesn't have. Leaving him out of the will would be hurtful to him. Can you tell me how to smooth the waters?
— KENTUCKY MOM
DEAR MOM: Yes. Remind your daughters that you love them and their troubled brother equally, and that the assets you have accrued (modest though they may be) are yours to do with as you wish. Be pleasant about it, and under no circumstances allow them to push you into doing anything you don't want to do.
DEAR ABBY: I am a college student and recently I was faced with a huge decision.
I have been attending junior college for two years and am about to start my third. I applied to a four-year university, and they have accepted all my credits. I play soccer for the junior college, and I had already promised my team I would be here to play in the fall.
My problem is I am over the maximum number of credits I can transfer from one college to another. I have chosen to remain at junior college because I gave my word I would stay with the team. I don't want to regret this decision. Was it right to put the team before my academics?
— LOST IN COLLEGE
DEAR LOST IN COLLEGE: Not in my opinion. Academics trump athletics. And you should not have made any promises to your team while applying to a different school.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.