DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman at a Catholic university. I was awakened last night at 3 a.m. because my bunk bed — I'm on top — was shaking. Then I heard my roommate moaning. She had snuck a boy into our dorm room, and they were doing "it."
I am so upset at her disregard for my personal space that I don't know how to talk to her. I'm big on chastity, but I don't want her to think I'm speaking up because I'm a prude. I found it so upsetting that it was difficult to get back to sleep.
My roommate is nice, and we get along well. How do I tell her this behavior is unacceptable? If I tell our resident assistant, she will get in trouble and hate me for it. If I had been forewarned, I would have slept out in the lounge. Please help me.
— RELUCTANT WITNESS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR RELUCTANT WITNESS: Silence implies approval. It is important that you talk to your roommate NOW because if you don't, it is sure to happen again. All you have to say is that when you were awakened, at first you were frightened. Then, when you realized what was going on, it made you extremely uncomfortable, and in the future you would prefer she make other arrangements for "that kind of thing."
It's the truth, you are within your rights to draw the line and you won't come off looking like a prude. What they did was out of line.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Dirk," and I have been dating nearly three years, and we recently moved in together. Before we met, he briefly dated a woman I'll call "Lola," who has bipolar disorder.
Although she was the one to end the relationship, Lola became jealous when she heard Dirk was dating me and started following us around. Dirk is a musician, and Lola would dance provocatively at his shows, hang on him and hug him, and we would sometimes be kept up all night by her calls and texts.
Dirk has told Lola many times that she's crossing the line. Eventually, she began seeing someone else and stopped tormenting us. But now that she has learned we're living together, her crazy behavior has started up again.
I went to pick Dirk up from his show last night and heard that Lola had told half the people in the club that he had "always loved her," that they were "soul mates," and that she would be going home with him! While I don't doubt the stability of my relationship with Dirk, I find Lola's behavior irritating and blatantly disrespectful.
Dirk tells me any confrontation would be counterproductive, and that the woman would be "overjoyed" to find out she's causing me distress. He thinks she's so unstable she might react violently. I'm fed up. What should we do?
— HAD IT IN MANHATTAN
DEAR HAD IT: You have my sympathy. This is the downside of having a relationship with a charismatic performer. Although Lola's behavior is irritating, I'm casting my vote with your boyfriend. If you show her she is getting to you, her antics will only increase.
It won't take long for the regulars at the club to recognize her for the poor, deluded fan she is. The other club-goers really don't count. However, should Lola's actions escalate to violence, the police should be called and a restraining order taken out.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.