Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single 59-year-old man who is dating an attractive 40-year-old woman. I wear glasses, and she wears contact lenses, which she takes out before we go to bed at night. Of course, I remove my glasses.

The problem is, when we become intimate, we can barely see each other — even with the lights on. We want to know what each other looks like when we're making love. Any suggestions?

— EYES WIDE OPEN IN ROGERS, ARK.

DEAR EYES WIDE OPEN: I am not a vision expert, and this is something you should discuss with your eye-care professional. However, because you are both blind as bats without corrective lenses, perhaps it's time you considered the Braille method.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 37 years recently purchased our tombstones and had them installed on our cemetery plots. I didn't even know about this latest purchase — only the plots. He even had both our names and birthdates put on the tombstones. I was shocked to receive photos of them from the funeral home.

I had previously mentioned to him that I'm not sure if I want to be buried in Wisconsin and to please not put my name on the stone now. I always thought married couples should discuss such details before making a decision.

I am having a really hard time with this. He has been secretive and domineering. I feel betrayed and no longer feel I can trust him. Am I wrong on this?

— DESPERATE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DESPERATE: If your husband has always been secretive and domineering, then this is the man you married, and this latest episode is just more of the same. If, however, he has recently BECOME secretive and domineering, it is important for you to discuss this with your family doctor because your husband may need to be medically and neurologically evaluated.

Women usually outlive men, so your husband may have jumped the gun in making this decision "for" you. Look at the bright side. If he predeceases you, you can sell the second cemetery plot, take a lovely cruise and have the stone turned into a planter.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Madge," lives 1,400 miles away, and my husband and I rarely see her. Because of issues in the past, I do not care for her company — and that's putting it mildly.

Yesterday, Madge called my husband and invited herself and my sister-in-law to Thanksgiving dinner with MY family! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I look forward to spending the time with my family, especially those I only get to see a few times a year. How can I tell Madge that they can't come without making them angry?

— T-DAY WITH MY FAMILY

DEAR T-DAY: Obviously, you can't — and neither could your husband. You can, however, control to some extent how much contact you have with her if you have assigned seating.

Put Madge and your sister-in-law at the other end of the table on either side of your husband. Keep a smile on your face and stay busy with all the "duties" a hostess must perform. You'll get through it. And next year, tell your husband to check with you before allowing his mother to invite herself.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.