DEAR ABBY: A man I know is engaged to a woman 20 years younger. I think she's a gold digger, and here's why: She waved his credit card around after he gave it to her saying, "Look what I've got!" (He was not present.)

After he bought her a million-dollar house, she told her kids that they have to "act rich" now, and after he bought her a new car, she drove it &

slowly &

around her ex-husband's neighborhood so everyone could see it. She was unfaithful to her ex several times with wealthy men, and has told her friends that if they want to meet men with money, they should go to the expensive golf courses.

She complains to her kids about her fiance behind his back, but tells them they need to "treat him nice" and "act happy" around him because he has given them lots of money. And as soon as she got her diamond ring, her kids started telling people that she gets all his money when he dies.

I have seen a list of warning signs of an abuser in your column. Do you have one for spotting a gold digger?

"" SEES RED FLAGS IN UTAH

DEAR SEES RED: Webster's New World Dictionary defines "gold digger" as "a woman who in her personal relations with men tries to get money and gifts from them." I feel sorry for that woman's fiance because sooner or later he is going to find out how off-kilter her values are.

While I haven't printed a list of red flags for a gold digger (aka manipulator), some phrases to watch out for are, "If you really loved me, you'd ( — )" or, "Prove you love me by giving me ( — )."

One more thing: Gold diggers are never satisfied. They are bottomless pits that can never be filled. Regardless how many material things they are given, they want more.

DEAR ABBY: Our 16-year-old daughter, "Nola," is pregnant. My husband and I are, to say the least, very disappointed in her. We do not believe in abortion, so we're going to have Nola home-schooled until the baby is born, and then it will be given up for adoption.

What I need is advice on how to deal with this with our 10-year-old daughter. There is no way the pregnancy can be hidden from her, especially since the girls share a room. Our youngest daughter knows the basic facts of life, but does not fully understand that girls who are not married sometimes get pregnant and have babies.

I obviously do not want the same thing to happen to her, so I want her to understand that this is very wrong, but want to do so without demonizing her sister, whom she loves and looks up to.

"" WORRIED OUT WEST

DEAR WORRIED: Your younger daughter will learn a great deal as Nola's pregnancy progresses. She will see your disappointment, hear your disapproval of sex outside of marriage &

not to mention how irresponsible Nola and the father of the baby were for not using birth control &

and witness firsthand the pain Nola experiences at placing her child with another family. And if that's not a sobering object lesson, nothing will be.

So worry less, and spend more time letting both of your daughters know you love them unconditionally.

Dear Abby is written by , also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.