Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Cassie," and I are being married in the spring, and as you can imagine, the planning is hectic. My question is, how can I honor the memory of Cassie's mother? She passed away from cancer seven years ago. I never got to meet her, but it is obvious that she is deeply missed and that she played an enormous role in Cassie's life.
Is there an acceptable way to honor her during the ceremony and reception that wouldn't be in poor taste? Thanks in advance for your insight.
"" GROOM-TO-BE, LEXINGTON, KY.
DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: What a thoughtful man you are. This is a question that should be discussed in advance with the clergyperson who will officiate at the ceremony.
One way might be to light a candle in Cassie's mother's memory and keep it lighted during the ceremony and reception. Perhaps a special blessing could be said and the significance of the candle pointed out when it is lighted "in honor of those beloved family members who are with us in spirit today, and always in our hearts."
DEAR ABBY: I haven't had a boyfriend for a while now, and I'm not sure why. Everyone says I'm cool, funny and outgoing. I play video games, sports, and do things that boys think girls would never do (like paintballing in the woods or bungee jumping over and over again).
All my guy friends think I'm awesome, and I do get compliments on my looks as well. I'm not a tomboy, I wear nice clothes and some makeup, but for some reason, whenever I get a crush on a guy, he says it would be "weird" because I'm a "really good friend."
What am I doing wrong? I love who I am and so do boys. So why don't they think I could be "girlfriend material"?
"" BOYFRIENDLESS IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR BOYFRIENDLESS: It may be that "guys" see you as one of them. And because of it, they don't consider you in a romantic way. Therefore, it's time to emphasize your feminine side and present yourself in a different light. This may mean temporarily downplaying your involvement in boys' sports and paintball games, and amping up your "girlishness." Give it a try and see what happens.
DEAR ABBY: I am a very fair-skinned, natural blonde. The only way I can get a suntan is by getting burned first. I am attractive, and I have accepted the fact that in order to be healthy I must remain pale. However, people often make comments about my skin tone, and it's starting to hurt my feelings. Several people have called me "albino."
I know I should ignore them, but it's making me self-conscious. Tanning salons seem unhealthy, and self-tanners look unnatural. What can I say to these people that makes it clear they're out of line?
"" FAIREST OF THEM ALL IN D.C.
DEAR FAIREST: Tanning salons ARE unhealthy, and you're wise to avoid them. You are also wise to forgo sunbathing because it is the foremost cause of premature aging of the skin &
not to mention the danger of skin cancer.
When someone remarks about your complexion, you are within your rights to tell that person you don't appreciate that kind of personal comment and to knock it off. And if the person persists, you are also within your rights to avoid him or her &
and that's what I advise you to do.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abigail Van Buren