DEAR ABBY: I have a 30-year-old daughter who was happily married to a man she loved. My daughter and son-in-law worked in information technology for many years and did well at it. Because of their intensive work schedules they decided to start a family only last year. When my daughter conceived, our families were overjoyed.

Unfortunately, after only 2 1/2 months, my daughter miscarried. She was so upset about it that she decided to return to the country we had emigrated from.

Three months after that, she became involved with a man she knew from her childhood. She returned to the U.S. and said she wanted to separate from her husband. It was a shock to us and everyone who loves her. We tried to pacify her and begged her to seek counseling. She refused to discuss it. Without further discussion, she filed for divorce.

I am acquainted with the man she got involved with. His mother and I were close friends. He never completed his education, has no regular source of income and used to abuse his mother. I was shocked that my daughter would get involved with such a person &

and so quickly.

I told my daughter to be patient, that if she wanted a separation from her husband, she could do it without getting involved with that young man. She is adamant that she will do as she likes. She says she wants to be independent of all family ties and lead her own life.

Please advise us. I don't know what our family and her husband should do.

"" UNHAPPY MOTHER IN THE EAST

DEAR UNHAPPY MOTHER: It's sad, but sometimes marriages do end over the loss of a child. The grief is so deep that instead of drawing the parents together, it pulls them apart.

From what you have told me about your daughter's new love interest, she is making a huge mistake. However, because she refuses to accept counseling, I see no way to prevent it. Her husband may be able to slow down the divorce process, but he cannot stop it.

If you love your daughter, as I am sure you do, I can only advise you to be there for her in the coming months and years, because her road will not be an easy one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.