The sudden diagnosis of Stage 4 NSC lung cancer in June of 2008 seemed to have robbed me of the inner peace I'd been enjoying since my move to Ashland in November.

It was so unexpected. I stepped out of the shower one night after my Waking Down group meeting to find numerous lumps and swellings around my neck.

Disbelief, anger, sadness, rage, helplessness and a myriad of emotional responses displaced the awe, gratitude and joy I'd been bathing in for months. Gone were the teachings of the spiritual masters, the sense of well-being. Doom overwhelmed me. I was angry and felt like a victim. That was one of my hardest lessons to peace — giving up feeling like a victim.

But not for long.

I called my teacher Charles, La., hoping he could help me move into peace. He reminded me that we don't know how this diagnosis and illness will help me. We do know it's for a purpose. "Go deep," he said. I had no idea what he meant but I was willing. Thus began the journey of deepening the awakening to Truth, to recognizing the beauty and gift of every event, every person in my life.

I called upon additional teachers: Arjuna Ardagh, Raphael Cushnir, Gay and Katie Hendricks, Saniel and Linda Bonder and "A Course In Miracles." I sat in the sadness, the pain, the anguish of not knowing if I was going to live for one month, several or somehow, by some miracle, for years to come.

By October I knew this body was dying. I had no energy, had lost 35 pounds and was dependent on morphine. I was losing the will to keep on. I was attending Chris Celine's satsangs, which were in complete alignment with Jesus' teachings in "A Course of Miracles." I heard the Truth that I am not my body. Over and over. I read the Course, did the daily lessons, asked for help, prayed for the healing of the body-mind split and continued with the many treatments I had embraced.

I faced death. I recognized what I had been teaching for years as a past life regressionist, breast center recovery coach and teacher, needed to be fully embraced NOW. I surrendered to what was. I let go of needing it to be a certain way. I was willing to die, although my intention was clearly to have this body with me for a long time to come.

I chose to believe that life, as we know it, ends, but the vastness that is all of us continues indefinitely. I am that. So fearing death disappeared. Instead of resignation, inner peace arose.

When Saniel and Linda Groves Bonder, (Waking Down in Mutuality founders) visited me in Ashland, the love they transmitted through gazing permeated every cell of my being. Peace was who I was. The weekly "booster shots" from the loving heart transmissions of Chris Celine, along with support of many others, deepened my trust that the body-mind could and would heal. The Truth is that nothing really could harm me — that which I really am, beyond the mind and body. I had experienced the realization of Oneness before while working with clients, but never had I believed it as deeply as I was now willing. Peace arose.

And now, as I sit here, I am amazed, in awe and gratitude. I am alive. The body is flourishing, I am in remission, and to the astonishment of Western doctors, I am thriving.

It was hard to find the peace at first. The egoic mind was seemingly in charge then. As I surrender repeatedly, I am reminded that peace is always there, waiting, below the surface of external events — waiting to be remembered.

I continuously chose to think positively, to surrender, to ask for inner Guidance — realizing one thing: I know nothing. Life is a mystery. It is not for me to ask "why" or "how" but simply to be present to every feeling and thought — and to choose God, Peace, Love.

Rogue Valley residents may submit an article about Inner Peace of 650 to 700 words, to Sally McKirgan at innerpeace@q.com. For previous articles visit dailytidings.com search box inner peace